High school students often dream of what college will be like, and this typically includes new friendships that will last a lifetime. However, some students are discouraged to find that finding their friend group doesn’t always come easily. They may even hold the perception that their peers are easily making large friend groups while they are not. Undergraduate students are also not the only ones who struggle with loneliness in college. Many graduate students do too. Even if they are at the same school they completed their bachelor degree, oftentimes their friends have graduated and moved to new places. Graduate students at new schools very often struggle with loneliness since they are in a new place, with new faces, and are surrounded by other students all in very different phases of life. Furthermore, graduate research is typically isolating due to its independent nature.
For students struggling with loneliness and isolation, the first thing they should know is that they are not alone in this! Finding a friend group in college is far more challenging than most realize. The lack of structure, being in an unfamiliar setting, the vast number of students, and a variety of personalities create a new atmosphere that must be navigated.
One of the most important steps a student can take to decrease loneliness is to adjust their mindset. It is imperative students do not get stuck in a pattern of negative self-talk. For instance, they should not think they are the only student who struggles with loneliness or that other students do not want to be their friend. This will lead to social withdrawal and self-isolation, therefore discouraging the student from putting themself out there and making themself open to meeting others. Instead, it is important to reframe the situation and recognize they are in a completely new place! It is normal for it to take some time to meet others, especially in a drastically different setting.
Another step is to stop any comparison, especially on social media. Comparison is a true thief of joy. It prevents one from recognizing the many aspects of their life in which they should be thankful for. Also, comparison does not reflect the true nature of reality. When one compares themself they are doing so based on perception, not on the truth. This often leads to one drawing incorrect conclusions. Furthermore, social media allows users to distort reality and exaggerate circumstances. A myriad of research shows that comparing your life to what is posted on social media results in increased levels of stress, anxiety, and unhappiness.It is essential not to compare, especially on social media!
Students also need to be willing to put themselves out there and be willing to embrace new situations, even if it is nerve wracking at first. For example, they can start a conversation with others in their class, in line at the grocery store, with their neighbors, or even while waiting to meet with a professor. It is surprising what a simple conversation can lead to! Additionally, friendliness is inviting to others and increases the likelihood that others want to get to know you.
Getting in touch with the Office of Student Affairs, or a similar department, to find a comprehensive list of student organizations is also recommended. Some schools list all of their organizations online, which is very helpful. Student organizations work hard to find and retain new members, so these are typically great places to feel welcomed. Getting involved with intramural sports is also an effective way to meet others. Since they usually meet a few times a week and heavily rely on the spirit of comradery, it typically leads to new friendships!
Another great way to meet people is honoring your values and serving others. If you regularly attended a place of worship before college, then find a new one to attend while in college. If you never did, then college is a great time to check this out! Places of worship usually have college groups that consistently offer a variety of events. Also, such places allow one to meet members of the community, which allows for a wide range of connections. Signing up for community service opportunities is also a wonderful way to meet others. Another route to take to make connections is to contact a local retirement home. It is not uncommon for residents to also be struggling with loneliness, therefore they are very willing to meet others. I have seen college students form deep friendships by doing this, and even maintain these friendships beyond college. Oftentimes students find a grandparent-like figure to confide in. They also enjoy the opportunity to break away from campus periodically. Furthermore, the elderly generation truly enjoys connecting with the next generation.
Overall, remember that being in a new environment brings excitement but also new challenges. This is just the reality of the situation. It in no way means someone is not a desirable friend or doesn’t have a lot to contribute. In fact, it is quite the contrary! By putting oneself out there, embracing new opportunities, and being willing to put in some work, students can build social skills and confidence that will serve them well for the rest of their lives!